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"God, Today I'm Ready for You to Blow My Socks Off!"

He Knows My Name

"He Knows My Name"

Spent today in a conversation
In the mirror face to face with
somebody less than perfect
I wouldn't choose me first if
I was looking for a champion
In fact I'd understand if
You picked everyone before me
But that's just not my story
True to who You are
You saw my heart
and made
Something out of nothing
Sometimes I get overwhelmed with what I’m called to at New Life.  It is weird how you can see God moving in amazing ways and yet feel beaten down.  I feel like I’m having an Elijah episode.  I find myself sitting under my tree saying “I have had enough Lord”, and just wanting to go to sleep.  There is a need for refreshing and an understanding of who God is and what He has made me for.  This blog is about being called to something that only God is able to do through a person who is willing to believe Him. 
There are days when I sit in my office and say to God “how did I get here?” If you asked me five years ago if I saw myself being the director of a pregnancy center I would have laughed.  I like to say I was a rock dweller.  That is, I spent my time hiding under my rock.  I was quite comfortable there.  Not too many people knew me and not too many people expected anything out of me.  I thought I was doing OK.
When the big earthquake hit Haiti in 2010, something kind of changed in me.  I wanted to go and help.  Where was this coming from?  I then heard Bruce Wilkinson speak at our church. He got me fired up about hearing from God and then moving on what He says to move on.  All in attendance were invited to come up front and tell about what we felt God had said to us. The rock dweller somehow made it to the front of the church and actually shared that I felt God was calling me to serve in Haiti.  That was my first public speaking episode.  I think I came off the stage in shock. This was Step One toward the big changes that were in store for the rock dweller.
Well I didn't make it to Haiti.  I felt like a failure and I could have kicked myself 1000 times for actually getting up in front of my church and saying that.  Back under my rock I went. This is where I was going to stay forever.  God had different plans though.  He used my husband to bring it about.  Brent happened to hear about a mission trip to Nicaragua with The Promise FM and World Orphans.  When he suggested it might be for me I said “nope”.  I thought I was called to Haiti, not Nicaragua.  He is a relentless guy and would not leave me alone.  So I said, "I will sign up for it, but they will not pick me to go."  Wrong!  I did go on that trip, and it changed my life.  Step Two towards the big changes God had in store for the rock dweller.
One of the next things God had in store for me is kind of silly.  Instead of hiding under a rock God had me climb one.  Our youth group goes once a year to climb this mountain in Tennessee.  One year I decided I would go and give it a shot.  It couldn't be too bad because Newell said it wasn't bad.  It turned out to be something that stretched me beyond anything I had ever experienced.  I had to really trust God, my husband, and the rest of our group to help me through that climb.  I thought I had it beaten when we made it to the top.  I was resting and thinking I did it when Newell let us know that we now needed to cross to another mountain to get back down.  This would take some maneuvering that I found quite unpleasant and even a little terrifying.  I was pretty mad at Newell.  I thought many bad thoughts in his direction as I was completing this last trek.  I made it though.  It took me a while to understand what God taught me that day.  There were some mountains to come and He was preparing me for them.  Step Three for the rock dweller.
God called me to New Life as an administrative assistant.  This wasn't something that caused me fear but I wondered how I got here.  I felt very blessed to be able to work in this ministry.  I worked in this office doing general secretarial tasks and also being a peer advisor to clients.  I came up with the idea of having a craft show as a fundraiser. Bonnie said go ahead and run with it.  That boosted my confidence even more.  Then came the day that Bonnie said she would be retiring.  I was blown away.  I had only worked with her for a little over 1 year.  I was now looking at having a new boss.  My husband asked me if I was going to apply for the job.  Nope.  I was not qualified nor interested in this position.  I was quite content doing what I was doing.  My husband told me not to be a Jonah.  I hate this saying.  It means that if you are being called to it, don’t try to run from it.  Once again my husband was proving himself relentless.  So I decided I would apply but I wasn't going to get it.  Wrong!  God had a plan for me.  He picked up my rock and He hurled it somewhere where it was not to be retrieved from.  Gone forever were my days of rock dwelling.
True to who You are
You saw my heart
and made
Something out of nothing

 "He Knows My Name",  written by Francesca Battistelli.

This blog has been a journal entry from my life.  I needed to go back and read it to see just where God has brought me from.  There is growth and love written all over in this.  So just like the angel said “Get up” to Elijah, God is saying "Get up" to me.  "Look at where I have brought you from, Girl.  Do you really think I don’t have this taken care of?  Walk in the power that I provide for you.  Trust in the love I have for you.  Your rock is gone because I removed it.  I know your name, and you are precious to me.  I have a plan for you."

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